If I hadn’t read widely, I would never have learned how to “pass” as educated. Even with the help of the Brontës, Miss Austen, Louisa May, and untold others, my grammar is an unsteady knowledge, and based far too much on what “sounds right” rather than what simply is correct. So when I stumbled upon The Transitive VAMPIRE: A Handbook of GRAMMAR for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed, I knew I had found the perfect resource for me. Years later, when I took upon myself the education of my sons for a few years, they found the book to be hysterical. For example, in a discussion of subordinate clauses:
If Lucifer confesses, we’ll let the rest of you go.
After they removed the leeches, she showed him to the door.
If God exists, why would he want to hang around?
They dropped the subject before it got too hot.
I took an instant liking to him even though his hands were covered with fur.
If I die first, will you tuck me into my casket?